Space Rogues Coast to Coast

Attack O' da Klawed Sumfing
An' da first day o' Krumpmas

Today, we was blessed by da cunnin’ fist o’ Mork, and was given a right toofy gob ta smash in addishun to some floppier, gooey gits. We was ‘splorin da underhive ta find da git dat was takin’ all o’ da food for ‘isself. It was real ’ot down dere, ’cause o’ all da lava. Da lil’ lord said sumfing about it bein’ worf a lot cause it’s name is Adam an’ Tium. Is a stupid name, but da oomies is always given perfectly good stuff stupid oomie names. E’ said we could take it ta da surface wif us if we sprayed water on it, but I forgot me bottle an I didn’t need ta whiz. Anyways, in da tunnels we found some o’ da missin’ food and dey were lookin at us funny, so we started ta krump’em. Da little Atti got cornered by a couple o dem and dey started slobberin on ‘im an ’e was screamin fer ’elp and we all ’ad a laugh til ’e put ’is dakka in da poor feller’s mouf and blew its back ‘alf off. Anyways, a big gooey git tried ta sneak up on us, but ol’ Bindy don’t let nuffin’ by ‘im an’ was on ‘im like a squigg on a limpin snotling an I ’sploded ’im wif a poke o’ da glowy stick. If dat ‘ad been all o’ da krumpin’ for da’ day, I woulda been ‘appy, but da emprah provides as da sistah sayz. We is goin deeper into da caves, an’ Atti tells me, “Oi, Bindy, dat git called you a git. You gonna do sumfin’ bout dat?” I sayz ta him, “WWAAAAAGGGGHHHH” an I ran over to ‘is pile o’ stuff an started callin’ ‘im a git while I crunched it. Well, I felt sumfing sharp in my back and waz finkin’ to myself, “Today must be Krumpmas, cuz dere’s a zoggin git on my back in need o’ a krumpin’.” I was ‘appily krumpin away at day git, but da dark Jef and lil’ furry fella shot ‘is leg off ’fore I could finish wif ’im. I was gonna tell dem dat dey was bein’ impolite, but da lil’ lord said ‘e wanted ’is gob an teef, so I pulled da git up ’fore ’e fell into da pit by ’is gut noodle. An dat was da first day o’ krumpmas.


[[Administratum note: The xeno is partially literate. In the future, any formal requests for its purging are to be coded. Disparaging comments should be made as verbosely as possible. The journal entry is marked to be destroyed, along with the console used for its entry.]]

LOG 1 [M42. 027, 240 (October 2nd of the Scintilla calendar)]
Ambush and Escape

Encryption level: Ultra
Date: M42. 027, 240 (October 2nd of the Scintilla calendar)
Agent: 8th circle Acolyte Nar-rate
Alias: Petty Communications Officer Dan Ubic
Location: Void Ship Nocturnus, enroute via warp travel to Boros Segunda of Tallus Cluster sub secotr, Tannhauser Gate.

My lord Inquisitor, as per your instructions, I have successfully reached Port Wander and infiltrated a Rogue Trader vessel, the Nocturnus of house Casmirre. I believe house Casmirre will serve our interests well in scouting the fringe regions beyond your usual sphere of influence. My position as a minor coms officer on the bridge leaves me perfectly situated to monitor bridge activities and away team communication relays.

My First impressions of the Nocturnus and house Casmirre is one of surprise, shock, and disgust. With the recent passing of Lord Bastion Casmirre, under the highly dubious circumstance of death by pretzel, his child nephew Lord Torian Casmirre has inherited the charter and house. Lord Torian Casmirre relies heavily upon his retinue for support and guidance, which is frightening considering he is surrounded by abominations.

I suspect Torian’s mutant seneschal, Atticus, is the prime force behind such a corrupted cadre. It would only be expected that he would advise the young Rogue Trader to take confidence in beings as twisted and impure as himself. Even for a mutant though, assisting three xenos in gaining Torian’s confidence is either a heinous act of betrayal or evidence that his sense of judgment matches his body (heavily twisted). Even the head representative of the Machine Cult seems to be suffering impurities. The Tech Priest Yash possess far too much interests in the matters of flesh than a creature of metal should.

Inflicted with such heresies, I was unsurprised to see the Nocturnus fall prey to an ambush while leaving Port Wanderer. The Pirate Captain Dregg managed to subvert a portion of the Nocturnus’s crew, an easy feat I would imagine, leaving the vessel exposed to Captain Dreggs bombardments. An assault upon Lord Casmirre’s bridge was easily and horrifically squashed by Torians monstrous retinue.

Surprisingly, the Nocturnus managed to escape the ambush via warp jump, and even returned effective torpedo fire upon Captain Dregg. The vessel now flees the Calixis sector into the wilds of Tannhauser Gate. Boros Segunda within the Tallus Cluster is the stated destination, repairs and trade being the main objectives.

I will continue to log House Casimrre’s activities in the hope you will find them of use in your efforts to safe guard the Calixis sector. As you have instructed, I will avoid trusting my reports to astropathic relays and will instead intrust my log collections to your informant web upon re-entering the Calixis sector.

Thought of the day: Faith must shine brightest when surrounded by shadow.

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